Summary
- It started as an attraction to lean, skinny guys.
- Then my mother supercharged it so I had to turn it into a fetish.
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Details
IT STARTED WITH AN ATTRACTION TO GUYS WITH LEAN / SKINNY BUILDS
This probably is a complement to another fetish of mine (yes, there are more) for lean/skinny guys. For a while as a kid (until I was 11), I was a bit chubby, not fat, but not skinny.
I grew out of it, but for a few years I was teased about it, and that hurt. So I envied guys who were skinnier and often wished I was skinnier.
Later on, in my teens and 20's I grew out of the baby chubbiness and became quite skinny myself, but the attraction for lean/skinny guys did not go away.
I remember that when I was 6 or 7 years old I was riding in the family car and I noticed young guys (teenage, probably) walking along the highway, and what a sharp contrast their legs made as they walked.
I figured out that the contrast was greatest when a guy wore tight pants, and not very interesting when he wore baggy ones.
Tight pants emphasized the shape of these guy's legs and the contrast of their lean legs going back and forth, was pretty visually dramatic for me
– with each step in tight pants lots of space would open up between the legs. Whereas baggy pants, covered way too much and hid that contrast.
So if a guy had a long, lean figure, tight pants would really show that off. So I began looking for lean, skinny guys, showing off their hot bodies in tight pants.
And since I especially like the contrast on the legs, I especially liked finding guys in tight pants doing something (whatever) that kept his legs apart
– in whatever stance: standing, sitting, walking, playing – lots of poses work for that. Early on it was just tight pants.
But in my 20’s, I also came to enjoy and appreciate the look of a tight shirt on a lean, defined torso.
MY MOTHER'S IRRATIONAL REACTION CLINCHED THE FETISH FOR ME
What heighted the attraction of tight pants as a fetish however, was the fact that my mother utterly disliked seeing guys wearing anything tight.
I think she was a bit uncomfortable with male sexuality, and tight pants were a way for a male to show off -- and you've got to admit, tight pants really show off the male form
-- and I think that unconsciously frightened her. I would notice her when she would see a guy wearing tight pants -- her face would take on a serious, disapproving look.
Sometimes she’d even start muttering to herself – something she’d do when she was upset or worried. My mother was a normally sane, rational person.
But this was weird and noticeably different for her.
Because I could see that it bothered her so much, I likely focused even more attention and energy on it, and it became a huge turn on for me.
Much later, I also realize that I probably was a bit hurt seeing how strongly and negatively she reacted to simply seeing males playing with this aspect of their male sexuality.
After all I was male – and was she rejecting the maleness in me?
I didn’t think quite so clearly about all this then, but according to what I’ve learned about fetishes – that they’re often created by a youthful mind unconsciously attempting to avoid a painful situation that he doesn’t want to deal with. So instead of dealing directly with it, he encapsulates it into a fetish – thus rerouting negative, painful energies into erotic energies. I’m sure that was part of it for me.
So, anyway, while she was getting all puckered up, unhappy and bothered, I was getting bothered in a very different way -- with some of my earliest hard-ons.
